You remember when you were a kid and one of the crew said something that wasn’t really exactly funny but sort of became funny the more you said it and then after a while it became sort of this mantra – this thing that was inherently funny because it the thing you said when you needed some funny?
That’s how this week’s menu happened.
No one out there was itching for a Brunch menu made up entirely of spheres. No one said “Hey Drew, that crispy rice was really great, but I’d really like an entire non-breakfast, non-lunch menu made up of planet like balls of food.
No. It was just a thing that happened. I mentioned “breakfast meatballs” on the old we’re-really-to-old-for-this group chat and next thing I know I’m grinding up bacon and shopping for an ebelskiver pan.
I’ve said before I’m not always a huge fan of brunch. It often fails at being either a good breakfast, or a good lunch – but of course I’m in no way opposed to a bottomless Bloody Marys or stretching a long weekend morning into a pleasant weekend afternoon. I’m just not always a fan of “well, sure, we’re a Thai Italian fusion place funky night market vibe, but we’ve really got to do a brunch to stay competitive in this neighborhood, so here’re some parmesan frittata filled fresh spring rolls, five spiced bacon skewers, and overnight oats with pineapple and mascarpone. Sometimes you really can try to hard.
Like, say, insisting on making an entire menu of spherical breakfast foods.
Though I’m kind of thinking those five spice bacon skewers could be good …
Thanks, as always to my paid subscribers – who help fund this free newsletter. While the Weekly Menu is always free, paid subscribers get occasional additional emails containing commentary, recipes, tips, tricks, and even more zany run on sentences with extra haphazard hyphen and m-dash usage! Recent Addendums have included recipes for Chicken Tika, an over the top tostada, and this week they can look forward to a recipe for really phenomenal, if slightly fussy, confit style chicken wings or maybe this crabcake with sauce choron and cucumber salad. Because it’s been at least a week since I did a cucumber salad
Blueberry Corncake Ebelskivers or Minipancakes
Ebelskivers or Æbelskivers or … there are apparently a lot of ways to translate write this – are tiny little Danish style pancakes that happen to be more balls of pancake than flat disks of pancake. That obviously makes them the right candidate for a breakfastbrunch meal consisting mostly or only of spherical foods. In fact, it would probably be a terrible insult to omit them.
Then again, these aren’t actually Ebelskivers or Æbelskivers. They’re made with corn. That makes them delicious, and corny – almost corn balls. CORN BALLS. I don’t know why I find that so funny, maybe it’s because of the poor attempt at an Arrested Development reference or maybe it’s because this entire menu originated in the part of my brain that’s still a slightlyactuallyvery ADHD 10 year old kid.
I use canned corn, processed in a blender, as a large portion of the liquid in the batter. It adds a lot of sweet corn flavor, and bit of a custardy texture that’s otherwise missing if you just use cornmeal.
For those of you not in the states, the Yellow Corn Meal referenced in the recipe is more like a finely ground yellow polenta, and is not what might be labeled cornflour or cornstarch. If you use corn starch, you’ll end up with something more like the world’s weirdest pan fried Turkish delight.
You can find Ebelskiver pans online. I use this inexpensive and heavy enough to stun a moose Norpro pan, but still sort of covet this DeBuyer version that I most definitely don’t really need. And if you’re wondering about the wisdom of buy a specialized pan, you can justify it by claiming you’ll use it to make Takoyaki – the phenomenally delicious Japanese (no, I’m not kidding – they’re great) pancake balls stuffed with octopus that I’m sure you’ll make several times a week in the future. I mean, that’s how I justified mine.
1 cup AP Flour
1 cup yellow cornmeal
1 14.5 oz can sweet corn
½ cup granulated sugar
½ cup whole milk
2 large eggs
2 tsp baking powder
1 tbsp melted butter
½ cup blueberries
¼ tsp kosher salt
In a large, non-reactive bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, cornmeal, salt, and baking powder.
Add the eggs, milk, and the corn – including the canning liquid, to the container of a high-speed blender and process until very smooth.
Gently stir the corn puree mixture, along with the melted butter, into the dry ingredients, working gently until fully combined.
Fold in the blueberries.
Heat a well-greased Æbelskiver pan (I really just wanted to use the Æ) over medium heat.
Add a dollop of batter to each depression – just about but not quite filling it.
When bubbles have formed and popped and the batter is beginning to look solid, use a fork to gently turn the cakes over.
Cook util browned on both sides.
If you don’t have and don’t want to bother with the specialized pan, simply make silver dollar sized pancakes. But they won’t be balls.
Serve with butter and maple syrup because why not.
Breakfast Meatballs with White Gravy
The very bad awesome great idea that started this whole menu. Breakfast Meatballs. I mean, why not? Meatballs are great, breakfast is great. Breakfast meatballs therefore are the best.
These are a combination of the great breakfast meats - country style sausage, bacon, and smoked sausage - though there’s nothing from stopping you from adding ham as well. Maybe avoid the kippers.
1 lb sage breakfast sausage
4 pieces smokey bacon
1/2 lb smoked sausage
1 cup toasted breadcrumbs
½ cup heavy cream
2 tbsp maple syrup
½ tsp kosher salt
2 tbsp fresh ground black pepper
1 recipe white gravy (below)
Cut the bacon into small pieces, and process in a food processor until very finely ground.
Finely rind the smoked sausage using a meat grinder or food processor.
Beat the egg well and combine with the cream.
Add the beaten egg, the maple syrup, and cream to the breadcrumbs, mix well, and allow to sit for 10 minutes to hydrate.
Combine the meats, the soaked breadcrumb mixture, salt, and pepper in a large non-reactive bowl. Using clean hands, work the mixture until it is evenly distributed and integrated.
Form the forcemeat mixture into 1 to 1 ½ inch balls.
At this point you can simply bake (at 400°F until browned and the internal temp is 160°F) or pan fry the meatballs – or you can take an extra step to make sure they stay round.
You can deep fry or poach the meatballs. This will yield round balls instead of flattened on one side that you might get from baking or pan frying.
Serve hot, doused with white gravy.
To deep fry:
Prepare a fryer or a large dutch oven of oil heated to 325°F.
Dip a metal ladle into the oil filling it with hot oil, very carefully (as it may spatter) add a meatball to the bowl of the ladle, and swirl gently, then turn the ladle to drop the meatball into the oil.
Repeat for additional meatballs, working in batches.
Fry until the meatballs are browned and crisp.
Check the internal temperature – especially if using larger meatballs – and if necessary, finish in the oven until the internal temperature reaches 160°F.
To Poach:
Prepare a large pot of salted boiling water, or stock.
Dip a metal ladle into the liquid filling it with hot water or stock, add a meatball to the bowl of the ladle, and swirl gently, then turn the ladle to drop the meatball into the liquid.
Repeat for additional meatballs, working in batches.
Cook until the meatballs are just barely firm.
Preheat an oven to 400° F.
Bake the meatballs until they’re browned, and the internal temperature has reached 160°F.
White Gravy
1 ½ cups whole milk
½ cup heavy cream
4 tbsp unsalted butter
4 tbsp ap flour
1 tbsp fresh coarsely ground black pepper
1 tsp kosher salt
¼ tsp freshly grated nutmeg
Add the butter to a sauce pan over medium heat.
Once the butter has melted and stopped sizzling, add the flow, and work with a spoon or spatula to integrate into the melted butter.
Cook, stirring frequently, for two minutes, or until the raw flour smell is gone, but the flour has not yet begun to brown.
Add the milk and whisk to combine.
Bring to a low simmer, and cook until thickened, about 5 minutes.
Whisk in the heavy cream and return to a simmer.
Add the black pepper, salt, and nutmeg.
Taste for seasoning and add additional salt as necessary.
Optionally, you can also add a bit of fresh thyme or sage for a more herbal flavor.
Cheese Stuffed Hash Brown Balls
This recipe evolved from an attempt a few years ago to make a tater-tot wrapped mozzarella cheese stick. I’m owning up to this because that attempt also originated with a smartassed comment on the very same group chat.
Essentially, these are hashbrowns – more of the comes in a paper sleeve at the drive in variety than the scattered smothered and covered how did we end up here at 2am again variety – in ball form. And filled with cheese. Melty delicious cheese. Because fried balls of melty delicious cheese are delicious, and because they’ve almost become a thing here. Almost two years later, the Sauerkraut Balls recipe from way back in October of 2020 is still one of the most popular and most “what, wait, you’re kidding? WHY?” recipes I’ve published here.
4 large russet potatoes
1 tsp kosher salt
1/4 cup shredded sharp white cheddar cheese
¼ cup shredded fresh mozzarella
Neutral Oil for frying
Wash and peel the potatoes.
Cut the potatoes into a very fine (1/8th inch) dice. I use a mandoline to get thin slices, then julienne and dice from there.
In a large non-reactive bowl, toss the potatoes and the salt to evenly coat the potatoes.
Microwave on high for 8 minutes, stopping to stir every 2 minutes.
Allow to cool to room temperature.
Use a fork to mash together the shredded cheddar and the mozzarella until a paste forms.
Prepare a fryer or a large dutch oven full of neutral oil heated to 350° F.
Using wet hands, shape the potato mixture into a ball.
Press a thumb into the ball to form a deep depression (slightly more than halfway through)
Scoop a small marble sized ball of the cheese mixture into the depression in the potato ball, and push the sides of the depression in to once again form an even ball.
Working in batches, fry the balls until golden brown and crisp.
Serve hot.
Note: I use the same method outlined in the meatball recipe above for frying the potato balls. Using a ladle in the oil - while a little tricky because well, really really dangerous very hot oil – gives you a nice round shape.
Watermelon Balls with Goat Cheese and Mint
This is not a recipe, or rather it is. Just that the name is the recipe. This is literally just balls of watermelon (you’ll probably do best with a seedless variety) some goat cheese, and mint – along with a sprinkling of salt – which makes the watermelon taste sweeter. Or so I’m told because I can’t eat the stuff … and discovered this week that I should be wearing gloves working with it. In fact, this “recipe” was originally going to include Cantaloupe and Honeydew melon as well, but I opted out of it after well, some unpleasantness.
4 cups watermelon balls
4 tbsp fresh goat cheese
julienned mint leaves
flakey finishing salt such as Maldon